I haven't cried this much in years.

So, I'm homesick. Again.

Surprise.

It's not that I don't like Wellesley... it's more like, I think Wellesley is pretty ok. But it's not home. My family isn't here, my dogs aren't here, my plants aren't here... which my be stupid, but that's what homesickness is all about.

I'm terrified that something will happen to my family while I'm away.

I wonder if this will keep me from going abroad...

I just want to go home.
But, Greg is right. My future is here, and elsewhere.

I hate a future without my family.

Keys to my dream?

I talked to my aunt on the phone just now, and took notes in this blog thing because that was what was open. She interprets dreams, and that long crazy one that I had was kind of bugging me, so I asked her about it. This is what she had to say:

dark- don't know what's going on
outhouse - emotions
not going to the outhouse/refusing to cut the line- not expressing emotions
parents- safeguards, authority (telling me not to have a boyfriend right now)
his parents- also against it, again my authority, who's guarding the gates to nooreen?
bathroom- emotions
water in tub- clean; can't deal with emotions, but things are still good, good things coming, someone inside me who won't let me deal with emotions
nakedness- not afraid of expressing emotions
old (wise) woman- fairy godmother, cover yourself up, don't worry, things are going to work out ok
who is the fiance? something that i want to do that the gatekeepers say no about. security figures are what's in you that hold you back and won't let you do what you want to do.

Anyone care to take a crack?
I feel like the part where I'm waiting in the dark is most important... because I'm waiting passively. I'm not afraid, and I know that someone is coming - the someone ending up being my fiance. Which represents... what? I don't know.

I guess I'm going crazy.

How Odd

I just googled 'runemahogany' and a ton of things came up that I thought were totally secret. How weird.
Nothing I'm ashamed of, but still. I guess I should use different screennames, huh? haha
I just worry that I'll forget them or something though...

So I know that this is my third post today, but I just want to say that I love my pseudobrother. I went all philosophical and slightly crazed on him, and he was all 'it's cool, don't worry, be happy,' and he calmed me down. Good stuff.

It's just... I'm terrified by my own mortality. Scared witless at the knowledge of everyone else's mortality. It's like, what the heck are you supposed to do with 80 years? I mean, yeah, you can do a lot, but if you've only got so much time, then why are there such set, stupid, pointless things that we "have" to do?

And then you look at the people who try to prevent the happiness of others, people who don't care about the future, people who don't care about each other, and all I can say is 'why?'

Everyone should see Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Be excellent to each other.

Friends are Fun!

So, I was going to post this long comment on Heather's blog, and then I realized that um, I have my OWN blog for this sort of thing.

Yesterday, Pat and Mick came to visit! We had a great time, just hanging out playing Mario Party on the Wii, and ending with some Rock Band. It was really nice to see both of them, although Luna was really not thrilled to see Mick. She was more scared than I've ever seen her, hiding under the table and whining. It was so weird! And really sad. My poor bean, scared of a big bearded guy. She's so adorable, never growling at ANYONE (I heard her growl probably twice in her sleep... I wonder what she dreamt of that made her do it?) and she's never ever bit anyone. She nibbles though! haha
Anyway, I digress!
Last night mom and I went out to have dinner with SBP, Celina, their mom, Celina's friend Emily, Celina's friend Emily's mom, and Elsa. It was a lot fun :D and we tried to go bowling after, but the bowling ally was completely full! (who wudda thunk it?) So, mom and I went home and we watched Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, which was, obviously, Excellent.
Then, today, we took a bunch of collected recyclables to the recycling station for the music boosters, and a bunch of the band members came after with cans and bottles they collected today, so I got to see some of my trumpet boys :D. Man, I miss that kind of camaraderie, and them.
After that, we went to Costco, and lo and behold, we ran into Andrew Francis and his dad! Yesterday or the day before I asked my dad if he had heard from then recently... Mr Francis is so nice, and it was just really cool to see them. Andrew, a guy who gave me the middle finger in first grade or kindergarten (hahaha) but who I got to be friends with later.
Overall, it's been a nice couple of days : )
We might go see Cloverfield tonight... we shall see!

A Crazy Dream

Last night/this morning I had this ridiculously long dream, and I feel like I should record it. Maybe this should be where I write down my dreams? I don't know... most of my dreams are really weird! haha
Anyway... There's a lot that I don't really remember exactly, so I hope that if you read this, you'll bear with me (and when I come back to look over old posts, I'll be able to remember my dream!).
Here it goes:
It started out with me someplace cold and dark (I want to say Alaska? or a pole?), and I had no way of getting out of there - but I wasn't worried about it. I was just waiting for someone or something... anyway, I guess they came because the next thing I remember is being on some sort of caravan that was sort of a cross between the middle ages and the old south. We stopped at a 'rest stop' - that is to say, a set of out-houses... I was in line behind a whole bunch of maids, and one of them said "We're going to be here for days!" very resignedly, and I knew it was somehow true. Then a maid came up to me and I realized that I wasn't a maid myself... I was wearing this really pretty deep red dress (not any of those 'little red dresses' or anything; this was a real dress - yes, as opposed to a fake one) and she told me to follow her. I thought she was going to take me to the front of the line (which really wasn't all that long, so now that I think about it, maybe the maid didn't mean we'd be there for days because of the out-house line...) and I was really loathe to use my position to get ahead of all these other women, but the maid told me it was urgent, so I followed her to this building that was behind the out-houses, when she told me to go into. I walked into this large, very decorated room (I seem to recall tapestries and stuff, but it was very bright, very my image of old south... but still with that weird middle ages flair) and then this guy appeared - not 'appeared', more like, caught my attention whereas before I had only noticed the room. Somehow I knew him, and somehow I knew that we were either 'courting' or engaged... anyway, he talked to me for a minute, and then he warned that he wasn't the reason I was in this room - my father had come to see me (???). Then he sort of melted into a drapery or something, and my father walked into the room. (Quickly... In this dream, I didn't look like myself, and my 'father' in the dream was not my dad in real life.) He had a sort of handlebar mustache and a hat, and he seemed very gray in that his clothing was dark, his hair was gray and his hat was gray. I think. Maybe not. Hmm. He sat down on a couch and told me to stand in front of him (like he was going to lecture me) and then he proceeded to tell me that this wasn't a good match, that the guy was all wrong for me, he didn't suit my position, etc. I don't really remember what he said, but he really didn't like the guy. I don't know if I said anything... I think I probably told him that I disagreed and that I felt the guy was perfect and that I was ...going to meet his parents? That last part's a guess because the next thing that I remember, we (that is to say, the guy and I) are at this old southern farm that is somehow stuck in the middle of a suburb. There was a big yellow dome thing - I can't remember what they're called : ( - with a dragon painting attached to it - unfinished, like the one in my room. It looked like the dragon was trying to get into the thing. We went into the main house, and I looked around a little while he was talking to his parents. It looked a lot like my aunt and uncle Diana and Chris' house... they had a gorgeous piano, with ivory keys and mother of pearl designs added, it was really lovely. Then I went back and talked to them, and it was abundantly clear that they didn't like me and didn't approve, and the guy was really upset with them for being so rude to me. I had asked for a bathroom so that I could take a bath and get cleaned up, and apparently they were really rude because they didn't send a servant to show me the way. I found the bathroom fine on my own, and there was something about it that really upset me (because it showed how much they didn't like me) but I took a bath, and then there were no towels... so somehow I felt it would be fine to wander around naked (but I wasn't embarrassed or anything... in the dream it was the perfectly natural thing to do) and in my naked wanderings I came across some really disturbing things, like a whole series of empty cages, weird signs, and a spinny thing in the floor... then this old woman found me and gave me a towel and apologized for the meanness of her owners - at this point I realized what was going on... the guy's parents were slave traders! But she assured me that the guy only kept in his parent's good graces so that he would inherit the 'farm' and so that he could free everyone. Then the really nice old woman showed me back to the bathroom, and I woke up.

Weird, eh?

Golden

YES!!!! IT'S FINALLY DONE!!!!
After probably a good year of preparation and 5(?) months of work, IT'S DONE.
This baby is ALL MINE:
How beautiful. hahahaha
Can I just tell you how I despised the thing? Absolutely hated it. All the work, all the stress... here is a brief history of my gold award:

My project was to make a book of labs for kids in low level science classes who are simply not interested in science. Granted, there are some kids who just can't do science, but that doesn't mean they can't be interested! Why shouldn't there be labs written to garner their interest? WHY I ask you! I was teacher's aid in a low level science class for a good part of my junior year, and when they were boiling water, even I was bored - but when they got to play with acid, gee whiz did that ever spark their interest! So... after much deliberation, that was what I decided I would do for my project.

Guess what my adviser said when I told her. Nope, you're wrong, sorry.
Lenore: "Oh, well, um... I'm not much of a science person."
Hello? Did you not read my proposal? Why didn't I get a "science person" as my adviser? Anyway, she got over it.

I spent much of the summer doing research and struggling to write labs that would be both informative and interesting without being preachy, all the while suffering under the heavy hand of lyme disease. How was I supposed to know?! The one time that I "had" lyme, it turned out I had been twisting a bottle cap unconsciously on my leg, creating the bulls eye... whoops.

Anyway, 2 months of bone crushing exhaustion and not a heck of a lot of enthusiasm later, I was diagnosed and medicated. 2 weeks later, I arrived at Wellesley, still sick, still medicated, and still half-heartedly working. I went home nearly every weekend in September to work, to experiment, and to reassure my mom (she's my leader too) that I was still going to do it (the thing was due the 1st of October), and in mid September, I ran the labs with a group of friends still in high school.

What do you know... they liked them! Of course everyone's favorite was the 'Why do Volcanoes Erupt?" lab... surprise surprise, haha

Anyway, last night I had my final review. This is a panel of women from the Girl Scout CT Council who sit in a circle with you right in front and ask you questions about your motives, your methods, and results. Essentially. For some reason, I do pretty well at interviews though, and even though I was expecting them to give me a hard time (girl scouting is all about service rather than leadership, and someone once told me that my project wasn't going to go over well because I wouldn't be running it in a classroom), they laughed at my jokes, patted me on the back, took my picture, and signed my certificate.

Voila!
Those are gold sparkles.
Get it? hahahaha


Doneskies.
87+ hours of stress later, I am part of the 5% of Girl Scouts who go for the gold. How weird is that?

Also... sorry about the forgotten hilarity. I can't remember what I was going to write about... I just remember that it was funny. Too bad for you. Tee Hee!